Crafting bitter tales based on her Instagram stories and then allowing your imaginings to harm how you interact with her.
Girl can only spend an hour with you in the week leading up to her two week trip; you then starting to get offended, struggling to take into account that she is ill, too tired to even pack, with additional stress from family about the trip.
Reconnecting with a girl after time apart; when she acts different becoming obsessed with what you did wrong, forgetting to consider and ask about what she’s been through (in this one I hurt a girl I like).
These three (separate) stories illustrate how our insecurities, assumptions, and frustrations can lead us astray, causing misunderstandings and damaging connections. Wanting of more attention, frustrated at lack of craving, feeling time-pressed; whenever you inhabit these narratives, the only thing you get is less sexy.
Whenever you believe that something or someone, some insight or some experience will truly make you happy, you are wrong. Only opening as you are is true happiness. You suffer jealousy when you forget this.
– David Deida, Blue Truth
By allowing jealousy to dictate our actions, we sabotage the very things we desire.
Often what you need isn’t to learn something new, but to be reminded of what you already knew. So I’m writing this, the first edition of my newsletter, to remind myself now, and whenever I run into jealousy again, what the world is all about. Welcome aboard! I hope you get off slightly sexier.
Happiness is often viewed as something you need to get; more often than not – some set of externalities to place yourself in, to then be happy. But while this may get you thrills, it is not where the calm, lasting happiness stems from. By seeking happiness in this chasing of things, you’ll always be some arbitrary amount of steps away from happiness, and at the present moment – never satisfied.
There is another issue with outsourcing happiness. When we rely on others for our happiness, we inadvertently give away our power and limit our true expression. This is the nasty I want to focus on; the double whammy of first being unhappy because some externalities haven’t been met (what Deida defined as jealousy), but this jealousy then disturbing your interaction with the world, tainting it and making it difficult to see what your authentic interaction with every moment would be.
Ending up unhappy, bitter, and lost in the world.
The most erotic moment for a woman is feeling that you are Shiva, the divine masculine: unperturbable, totally loving, fully present, and all-pervading. She cannot move you, because you already are what you are, with or without her. She cannot scare you away, because you already penetrate her in fearless love, pervading her heart and body. She cannot distract you, because your one-pointed commitment to truth will not bend to her wiles. Feeling this hugeness of love and freedom in you, she can trust you, utterly, and surrender her testing in celebration of love.
– David Deida, Blue Truth
This is the vision I’m moving towards; for me that would be embodying the mainly masculine role of this painting (so am currently less equipped to comment on the feminine, but maybe in time).
There are many aspects of this vision I enjoy, but the part that I think is most relevant to today’s discussion of jealousy and authentic expression is that the divine masculine is fully present.
It is not lost in the past or consumed by worries about the future. Instead, it resides in the present moment, giving undivided attention and deep listening to the feminine energy. This presence creates a space for authentic connection and intimacy to flourish. When a man embodies this quality, a woman feels seen and heard, allowing her to let go of any inhibitions and be vulnerable.
Extend the feminine from a person to the world (as Shiva, the masculine, is nothingness, and the feminine is everything that is), and you get authentic interaction with the world, free from jealousy clouding your vision.
There is a seeming irony in what I’ve said here; don’t off-put your happiness to some future set of circumstances, and then “I’ll be happy when I reach these divine masculine mental circumstances”. But this misses a component. Happiness is already in me (and in everyone). And I am not trying to off-put it. I am uncovering it, moment by moment, and experiencing it already; the divine masculine is simply the direction to being consistently uncovered, and with consistent authentic expression.
For that I’ve gathered some steps that have helped me so far (and will hopefully help me again in the future, when I’ve stumbled for a moment and will need this letter, written to myself, to find the path again).
Notice your triggers! Might be social media, having you live and imagine someone else’s life and motivations, instead of being present for yours.
Another strong correlation for me is when I think there isn’t enough time. I start wanting to rush, feeling as there can’t be a step back otherwise we won’t have the time to do everything as I’ve planned and imagined; but as a result, my head is everywhere but here and now, I grow distant, I lose presence. No surprise why then nothing goes as planned.
Let’s arrange this in a step-by-step plan:
You might know it directly, it might look like bitterness in you, maybe you notice tension in how you’re acting. What we will try to do here is bring back presence, so even if the emotion is something slightly other than jealousy, the practices won’t do you much harm.
You need a little break to recuperate and get back to doing your thing. It might be deleting some social media apps, maybe taking a quick walk in the middle of some event, or, if physical distance can’t be achieved, then just take a mental break. Pause talking, find the infinite deep consciousness inside of you at all times, and retreat there for a second (probably try the physical distance first, easier to do).
Think back to David Deida’s quote I shared at the very beginning; whenever you believe that something or someone is what will truly make you happy, you are wrong. Open as you are. How to do that?
As the closure, heat it up and open as its texture, feeling whatever you feel as openness. [..] You notice closure, and open. Openness abides – for a while. Again, you can notice closure, allow yourself to be closure, then, feeling as closure, heat it up and open.
This is one of Deida’s practices from the Blue Truth. You can start by closing your eyes, so it is easier to notice the tenseness in you, where it is. Mine is often in the chest or solar plexus. Your aim is then to open it, which can be done by focusing on the tenseness, being the tenseness, then heating it up until it releases.
It can sometimes be difficult to immediately move into a practice like this; something that has helped me is to know some activities that I find beautiful and grounding. If I go dance, play the piano, go to the gym, exchange smiles with a stranger, breathe as everyone in the park, I know that doing these calms and grounds me, to then be able to open the closure (or it might already have opened).
After regaining calm, remember (or find) what it is you have to do in this world, then do it for the sake of doing it, expecting nothing in return.
Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think, “If I can work enough, then one day I could rest.” Or, “One day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining.” Or, “I’m only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life. “ The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won’t. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift.
– David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
Nothing will ever be easier, nothing will ever be done. Readjust your expectations, and, at least for me, that took a weight off my chest.
By embracing the present moment, we can find a sense of fulfilment that transcends the need for things to be different. It allows us to appreciate the beauty and complexity of life as it unfolds, and to make the most of every opportunity. So, let us strive to let go of the illusion that one day everything will fall into place, and instead, embrace the present moment with open arms.
Release; and be sexy.
- I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.
- I am light. Take me … if you dare!