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Have you ever found yourself making pancakes at 3 am, instead of sleeping? Come here, let me tell you
two stories – story ONE:
You lay in bed, the silence of the night pressing against your thoughts. The ceiling has become an all-too-familiar movie screen for your worries. Hunger pangs gently nudge you, whispering, “Hey, it’s time.” With a sigh, you slip out of the cool embrace of your sheets. It’s 3 AM. The kitchen feels like another world, dimly lit and still. As you mix the batter, the rhythmic stir of your whisk becomes a meditative moment, a brief escape from the insomnia. “Well,” you muse, “at least I’ll have pancakes.”
two stories – story TWO:
The sun just set.
Lights are dim.
Dinner at 9pm.
Put away the phone.
Read a book at 10pm.
Calm music in the background.
When you get sleepy, you go to your bedroom, the window has been open.
You lay in your bed, and …
You awake as the sun starts peeking above the horizon.
Both are real stories. Both are from the same person! Both are only a few years apart.
In the silent hours of the night, when the world seems to pause but your mind races on, the advice of sleep gurus like Matt Walker and Huberman can feel distant, almost alien. They speak of sleep hygiene and circadian rhythms from the ivory towers of science, while you’re down here in the trenches, battling another night of unrest. This isn’t a sterile lab; this is real life in all its messy glory. You’re stressed, perhaps to the breaking point, carrying burdens that make your shoulders ache and your heart heavy. Life feels like a relentless storm, and you’re out there without an umbrella, just trying to make it through to dawn. At 3 AM, making pancakes isn’t just about hunger; it’s a quiet act of rebellion against the sleep that eludes you, a moment of comfort in a world that feels too much. I know because I’ve been there, right beside you, stirring my own batter, searching for solace in the warmth of a skillet. This message, this guide, comes from a place of understanding and shared experience. I’m not here to lecture you from on high but to walk with you, step by weary step. We’re in this together, navigating the chaos, finding moments of peace, and holding onto the hope that eventually, it will be alright. Let’s embark on this journey not just as individuals fighting solitary battles, but as comrades in arms, each of us seeking a sliver of serenity in the night’s embrace.
Recently a friend shared that they have trouble sleeping and that what they did last night was cook some pancakes.
This immediately reminded me of someone.
My (younger) brother is the origin of the two stories I presented before. Here was a friend in a situation where I know my brother has been. This same brother now wakes at sunrise, journals, reads, goes to the gym, eats breakfast, and off to work.
So I decided I’d have a chat with him. I got home (we live together, good shit), he was in his night-time meditative state, I said I have a friend who can’t sleep and currently cooks pancakes at 3AM.
He was attentive at once.
So we spent the rest of the evening discussing and writing out his transformation. We could’ve picked a better time as it got him too agitated to sleep well, but all for the greater good, as the tips helped my friend, and, if you care to listen, can help you get some sleep as well, on your path to becoming a good gardener for this world.
The knowledge shared here is summarised in a free checklist in the description below, to remind you after the video, in what order to get what done.
Let’s start by establishing a foundation.
Number one, in a category of its own:
For the 3AM pancakes, blueberries aren’t a good substitute for eggs, even if you googled just that and got a single result that matched.
That was an anecdote from my brother of something he actually did and discovered once. Unfortunately, while entertaining, twas just a gag. Back to being serious:
reduce stress 300x (three hundred fold).
Stress and sleep are like oil and water, they do not mix. Everything else on this list is basically relief so you don’t die from sleep deprivation while you try to figure out how to get to a place in your life where stress no longer fucks your sleep.
The shit feels unbearable when you’re in it. But it will end. All will be good in the end. And if it isn’t yet good – it isn’t the end. Keep on keeping on, I believe in you.
You won’t solve all your life’s problems tonight. And you won’t solve all the world’s problems without being able to take care of yourself first.
You need sleep. It isn’t selfish.
It is so that you can do something about what you care about.
Let’s start off easy.
Open your bedroom windows.
Let some fresh cool air in. Maybe even leave it open a tiny bit for the whole night.
Go! Do it; take the phone with you. All of these steps, go and do ‘em. If it is 3AM when you are watching then this is now a follow along; call me Bob Ross. Or daddy. Both are fine.
Only low, dim lights.
Turn off all overhead lights. Chill with low (below eye-level), dim, warm lights. Move table lights around to the rooms where you need them. Toss warm colour shirts over lamps that are too bright. Burn some candles! (safely… i don’t want you to die because the tips worked too well and you fell asleep with a poorly positioned candle) For tonight it doesn’t have to be pretty, just low and dim. Maybe you have a fireplace, start it up! Will be a nice activity to do while getting ready to go to bed.
Now onto the more difficult steps. Not complex, but in practice difficult.
No eating or screens at night.
As we got to this sentence you are half through chewing a bite of your pancake (is it crepes? potato pancakes? cheese curd pancakes? The kind varies, but it always seems to be pancakes… is it the universal comfort food? Or maybe only here in Latvia…). Finish your meal, we don’t want to add bulimia to this night’s challenges. But afterwards no more snacking! Not a fucking nut! As a general rule – eat a couple of hours before your bedtime, so your body doesn’t have to figure out how to balance processing food and sleep. I’ve seen the body’s solution be to induce nightmares… no idea how that helps with either of the processes but that’s what it do.
No screens.
No TV, no computer, no phone (even with night shift; still do put on night shift! for when you will put on your alarm and inevitably find some excuse to check something on something else, but as a rule – no phone), and no smart watch either. “I leave it on to track my sleep”. And yet here you are, 3am, eating your pancakes, watching this video. I can’t force you to take it off, but with it on you will look at that screen during this period of trying to fall asleep. Do with this information as you will, I can only share my experience and encourage you to try and gather your own.
What will you do without screens, because staying alone with your head is an unimaginable nightmare?
Read a book.
Grab something off your shelf, read Dr. Seuss or Winnie the Pooh or the letters by Seneca your granddad gave you. Read something that gives you a cozy feeling, this isn’t the time to read that big serious book you’ve tried to force yourself to like for the past 6 months.
Have not a single book?
You should solve this issue in the morning. For tonight? Listen to an audiobook, or some calm podcast. But believe you me, you’ll use this phone proximity to find every reason imaginable to unlock and use it for a “quick second” here and there.
So now you’ve been chilling in your sofa with a nice book, lights dim, your pancakes processed, and you are ready to try and go to bed.
Your bedroom is nice and cool. You close the window slightly (don’t freeze, but so it keeps cool).
Toss a shirt over your eyes.
Grab a clean shirt to toss over your eyes for some extra darkness (maybe you already have an eye-mask).
Fall asleep by focusing on your breath.
For years now my brother has gone to sleep while doing breathing exercises. His oxygen deprivation of choice is 5-6-7 breathing (he says that he does this to choke himself a little, like knocking himself out. I will reserve my opinion on the mechanism through which this breathing helps, but my brother does this and it has helped). 5-6-7 is a 5 second inhale through the nose, 6 second hold, 7 second exhale through whichever orifice you prefer.
You can try other breathing patterns, like box breathing (equal counts inhale, hold, exhale, hold; start with 4 counts). Whichever you do
slow down your breath, and focus on it.
The point is to bring focus to the sensations of your body. NSDR (non-sleep deep rest) protocols with body scans do something similar but you slowly scan your whole body, tensing and relaxing it from toes to head. You can explore this tomorrow.
If no sleep within 30 mins, get up.
If you don’t fall asleep within 30 minutes (by vibes! Do not check the clock and dear god do not put a timer on) get up. Go read some more, maybe go have a night-time walk, chill out for a little, then go to sleep once more.
Final thing, don’t watch the rest of the video now. Lock your phone, write on a piece of paper to return to this video, put your phone away, put the piece of paper on top of your phone (like the holy lock of some sleep paladin), and don’t touch it until it is morning. If you have to, put the alarm on now! So no excuses to touch it later. This will fuck my watch time but that is okey, go to sleep, bye now.
I told you to go to bed and you’re still here? That’s fine, I’d probably do the same. All right, come here, let’s have a chat about what you’ll do tomorrow.
And while we’re at it, if you know someone who finds themselves flipping pancakes at 3 AM instead of enjoying peaceful slumber, share this video with them. Let’s help each other find that elusive good night’s sleep.
Let’s talk about some one-time things you can do to improve your sleep environment.
Feng Shui your bedroom.
First things first, your bedroom is your sanctuary. It’s where the magic happens (sleep that is, tsk tsk). You need to craft this temple with care.
Especially if you’re an anxious person, try to have your bed meet the following feng shui guidelines:
Pieces of furniture can be used as blocks and guides of this energy. The aim is to make laying in your bed feel safe. As if you can see all entry points, that you are at a distance where you could react, that you are in control and can thus safely nod off.
ZERO light in your bedroom!
Our bodies are designed to respond to light and dark in certain ways, and artificial light interferes with this. When it’s time to sleep, your room needs to be pitch black.
No blinking wifi router, toss the fire alarm, bury the digital clock, and get good blinds (blackout curtains) for the windows.
Get a sleeping mask as well! It is easier to get than installing blackout curtains, so while you are getting your room set up, have the sleeping mask.
Essential oils on your pillow.
Get some lavender or chamomile essential oil. Put a few drops on your pillow before bedtime. As my brother once again posits – to suffocate yourself a little. Aromatherapists would say that these oils have calming properties. The ‘experts’ seem undecided on the methodology, but agree on the results.
Fck melatonin.
I don’t care that it’s the go-to sleep supplement. I don’t care that a pharmacist recommended it to you. I don’t care that the box has pretty drawings.
Using it you’ll develop a tolerance to inhumane amounts of melatonin, where what your body generates won’t have the same buzz anymore. And for what? Staring for 10 minutes at the morning sunlight straight after waking gets me more tired at night than melatonin ever has. These behavioural and habitual practices will have a greater effect and won’t mess with your tolerances.
(I tried melatonin hoping it would help me shift my sleep wake times a couple of hours earlier – barely helped; my brother was recommended to use it by his doctor in the years where he struggled with sleep, his message now is – fck melatonin).
Regular wake time.
Basically get up at the same time every day. That’s it. EVERY day. Eventually you’ll get to a point where you don’t have to be perfect with your wake time consistency, but at first try to be perfect. Get to a place where your sleep is good, and then you can experiment.
It doesn’t have to be crazy early. What works and is reasonable for your life.
When starting the first week will be fcked… Like 1 to 2 hours of sleep a night fcked (if your current sleep is bad enough). But it will improve, stick through it. How to stick through it and not die?
Take naps.
We are dealing with crazy sleep deprivation here, so do not listen to the “no more than 30 minutes or else blablabla”. They haven’t lived months with never more than 6 hours of sleep, and the past week with roughly 2 hours a night. Take a nap. Take a long nap! But take it correctly.
My brother’s suggestion is up to a 2 to 3 hour nap, at the opposite side of the day as your planned sleep. Put on alarms alarms alarms! You don’t want an accidental 6 hour nap where you awake fresh as a daisy at 9PM.
So up to 2-3 hours at (your) mid-day. Better nap earlier in the day than later.
Control sleepiness with friends and water.
To sleep when you want to, it is important to not sleep when you don’t want to.
You now know when you are planning to be asleep and when awake. We know some things to try and do for the periods when trying to sleep. What to do for when trying to stay awake?
Spend time with friends. And sip water. Whenever he was sleepy my brother just had a sip of water. These were the two methods he mentioned, so these are what I am relaying.
Light is an important regulator of your inner clock. Sunrise and sunset are two daily events you need to pay attention to.
Blast yourself with light in the morning.
After waking BLAST your eyes with light. Ideally, direct sunlight (not through a window, go outside or at least lean out the window). Second best – any and all artificial lights you have available. But even an overcast day is better than artificial; leave artificial for the winter months where you wake before the sun.
This will wake you up, and start a timer for sleepiness for the night.
For me personally, the sleepiness it induces at night is ridiculous. Craziest I’ve experienced.
Dim and low (bonfire) lights after sunset.
Try and be outside for the sunset as well, have a walk; it is another anchor for your inner clock.
After sunset your body doesn’t expect any more bright blue objects floating about, so don’t confuse it. Make everything low and dim and orange, like a bonfire.
Physical relaxation is vital.
Get a massage, stretch, yoga, or draw yourself a warm bath. Massage guns, rollers, golf balls. Epsom salt foot baths. A warm shower. Sauna.
Relax.
These are temporary relief from some stressor (physical or mental) that your body cannot process, but you need the temporary relief to sleep and heal and then in the morning figure out what is too much.
Sleep mute, deaf, and blind.
Mouth tape, ear plugs, eye mask.
I was away for a few days without my night time shenanigans with me. I came home and that first night back with tape, plugs, mask… those were magical hours, magical!
Grab some micropore tape for your mouth, it will help you breathe correctly, not choke on your own tongue (, not snore).
Grab any ear plugs, so the outside noise doesn’t bother you since we’re sleeping with the window open for that cool fresh air.
And cover your eyes. Start with a shirt if investing in an eye mask is too much for your health, but the shirt will fall off on the first turn. Get an eye mask.
Drink electrolytes.
Almost no one drinks enough. Almost no one even knows what an electrolyte is.
Yet drinking electrolytes has been the single greatest supplement / diet change I’ve ever had. I am big and active and sweaty which helps explain the ridiculous improvement I experienced, but every friend I’ve successfully bullied into taking electrolytes has continued taking them and loves it.
How to find electrolytes? Somewhat tricky since some of the sports drinks are trash. You want salt. And some Mg, Ca, K. Some carbs (sugar) added is fine as well. Buy in powder form in fitness supplement stores, or check what sports drinks your store offers.
I drink almost exclusively electrolytes and I love it. And regarding sleep! I can drink as much of them as close to sleeping as I want, it absorbs so well I’ve never had to get up to go to the bathroom when drinking electrolytes.
Know your foods.
Digestion and sleep don’t mix. Try not to eat some hours before the bed. And pay attention to what you eat. If you notice that late night dumplings give you nightmares – don’t eat late night dumplings (this is a real anecdote). Meanwhile having a good meal with complex carbs (whole wheat pasta, whole grain bread, brown rice, sweet potato, …) 2 hours before bed can help prepare your body for a restful sleep.
Training for your evenings without a phone.
Nowadays our minds are constantly stimulated. But turns out that for good sleep you need to put the stimulator (phone) away. But if this nighttime is the first and only time ever in your life where you put the phone away and don’t replace it with some other stimulating activity, it will be very uncomfortable at first.
Pent up emotions and stress will come up.
You need to release them earlier, so that the nighttime can hope to be peaceful.
Set aside time each day (start with a half an hour, can work up to more later) for unstructured mental activity. A walk outside with no phone (or music or podcast or audiobook) or meditation or simply sitting quietly in a room; or a fan favourite – sunbathe in the park. NO PHONE OR STIMULUS. Let your brain release what it has been holding for far too long. As you grow more accustomed with these periods of quiet, you’ll get more comfortable with putting your devices away at night as well.
As we wrap up, remember that while all these tips can serve as your nightly companions in the quest for sleep, they are but kickstarting aides on a much longer journey. The reality is, to truly find peace in the quiet of the night, we need to address the storms that rage within us during the day. Reducing stress isn’t just about making life bearable; it’s about transforming it into something you don’t merely survive through but thrive within. Each day moving towards goals you yourself deemed as worthy. It’s a daunting task, I know. But for now, let these strategies be your lifeline, keeping you afloat. You don’t rise to your goals, but fall to your systems. So fake good sleep habits until you accidentally find yourself sleeping well. Keep at it, sleep when you can, and bit by bit, you’ll find your way. Sweet dreams and good luck. Remember, for the structured guide, check the checklist in the description and join our journey to reclaiming the night.
And that, dear friend, is just the beginning of our journey together. In our next video, we are going to delve deeper and ascend higher. We’ll explore the concept of “LEVELS”, inspired by hoe_math’s video on levels of development and stages of consciousness. Together, we will learn how to ascend these levels, armed with the wisdom of Dr. K’s meditative focusing tasks and the teachings from David Deida’s ‘Enlightened Sex’. So join us next time as we continue to navigate the complexities of life, embracing every high and low, every triumph and trial, with open hearts and open minds. Until then…
(hozier)
How do you sleep so well? You keep telling me to live right. To go to bed before daylight. But then you wake up for the sunrise! You know you don’t gotta pretend, Baby, now and then’
Now, go out there and be a good gardener. Create a day filled with adventure as you walk around town picking up that book you’ll read tonight, finding the perfect candles, sourcing complex carbs for dinner, and perhaps even acquiring a sleeping mask, some micropore tape and ear plugs. And why not pick up some essential oil and electrolytes while you’re at it? Remember to put your phone away and enjoy the simple pleasure of walking, just you and the world around you.
Sweet dreams and see you soon in the next video! Check out that checklist below (I will release it with the video; subscribe to the newsletter to get it when it is done)!
You are welcome to comment and discuss under the post and video on YouTube.