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**There is no bigger turnoff than a man needy for sex. How do we solve that, to get the girl be the one begging?
The hungry never get fed.
By definition you only have two options:
brreak NEED sex less breaks down into 3 steps:
wait, wasn’t there the option of just, more sex?
*rewind back to
… only have two options:
“Just have more sex” is like saying “just have more money” to not need money. Obvious and unhelpful for:
And is one of the weirdest anecdotes I know of eventually successful relationships. Where the guy was able to “take it slow” because he was actually having sex on the side. Hopefully you understand the risks in trying this, but hey, it works.
Alright, so needing sex less from the specific person will, in the long run, lead to hella good sex with that specific person. Let’s remember that when looking at:
Option two, need sex less. You could:
excessively masturbate. Ish. (a popular choice; I’mmmm looking at you).
But you’ll just reinforce your habit of spurting, your neediness. And if the neediness doesn’t transfer to the real person, it is only because you’ve completely detached your arousal from actual people (do I need to go into why that is bad? I think Larry Wheels recently came out talking of his struggles with this, big man!).
I also know of a relationship that started out long distance, the guy tried to tame himself by loads of spurting, when they were finally back in the same country he was so impatient and needy that he literally pushed the girl away. Both heart-broken. They never solved it. (The neediness came out as aggression so maybe good that they didn’t).
Then what are you left with?
You can want, you can crave, you can desire, but you don’t need.
This is not a pitch of celibacy, far from it. More bringing sex to all existence.
Exchange energies not only through the physical rubbing. Practice holding increasing loads of energy within you, without the need to spurt it out. Then traverse life, making love with the world – not the quick and dirty lovin’, but a higher version. Pour that sweet ambrosia over eeveryone.
NEEDing sex less breaks down into 3 steps:
Navigate her with skill until she begs for it.
***In this video I can only give generic advice, if you want help with custom implementation, fill out the form in the description to work with me 1 on 1.
You might object that this isn’t the only way.
And indeed, sometimes a don’t care dude who is demeaning can get girls. But I don’t agree with those values, plenty of videos like that out there.
My best experiences were doing things for their own sake and when the girl climbs in my lap, drill through to ecstasy.
Help put up curtains, and then she stops you from leaving when the work is done. Spend a lovely evening listening to music, and she stops you from going to sleep. Act my best, needing nothing in return, enjoying the activity on its own.
Let her observe you, daydream, and then initiate on the craving (making her want it even more).
The first day I was writing these notes, just me meditating on the concepts, already lead to that night and the next morning being very in theme. Pleasurable, opening. Without doing much else than act as I wrote.
You’ve tried abstinence before, but were so conditioned to the constant titillation, that it simply lead to unbearable irritation of your sexual organs.
That is why we will reduce it to the two essentials, both of which can be trained with progressive overload:
Instead of cutting things, your task will simply be to tense harder than last time. Easy.
PELVIC FLOOR CURLS
To strengthen the literal muscles that will help control the urges and move energy.
Tense the muscles of your genitals, perineum, and anus. Like trying to stop peeing, holding in a shit, and the muscle between (with a feeling of an upward pull). For females I’ve heard it described as trying to suck an egg upward.
Do two variations, both while continuing to breathe normally:
Do this while masturbating (or having sex), when you feel the buildup of energy down there, but still long before orgasm.
Do this throughout the day! No one needs to know that in line at the grocery shop you’re exercising.
HEADSTAND
To divert blood from your lower organs to your higher ones.
Train it, so you are able to use it when needed (say during abstinence, when your energy is stuck down there, to help move it along). Also gets compliments at the gym for some reason.
There are easier reductions (candle posture, shoulderstand), if the headstand is a bit much to begin with.
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ORBITAL BREATHING
To learn to feel and move the energy within you.
Inhale down the front, from the top of your ribs, to the bottom of the ribs, to the belly, to your pelvic region and tailbone.
Then exhale up your spine, from the tailbone up to the top of the head.
Later add pelvic contractions on the exhale, to force the breath up the spine.
When you get used to feeling the energy circulate through you, you can also direct it to specific locations, move it around your body, or through other’s bodies. Make body parts tingle, eventually burn red hot. Breathing these circles in your partner’s body during sex – a lovely experience.
With practice in breathing up your spine and contracting your pelvic floor just before you orgasm, you may be able to feel the orgasm shooting up your spine and exploding through your head, rather than being released out your genitals.
You have to rid yourself of the perversely excessive. It will always lead to ruin.
There is loads of nofap content, so I will focus on an angle I haven’t seen much covered.
Only stop finishing, and achieve it as a strength exercise with progressive overload of tensing harder than last time.
STOP FINISHING
Our goal here is to not spurt out the energy. Do what you want, how you want, but don’t finish.
Try out the ORBITAL BREATHING and pelvic floor contractions, observe the feeling of the energy within you and it remaining there.
If you notice the visual stimulus (porn) distracting you from your breath and body, look away and bring attention to the sensations in you.
Perversely excessive is what we are trying to rid of here.
A fun exercise, when about to finish:
Inhale energy UP the spine (reverse to usual) while simultaneously contracting and pulling in your pelvic floor, belly, and solar plexus. Your belly and solar plexus move in toward the spine as you inhale, then lift up toward the head. Belly and solar plexus not merely harden and tense, but are made hollow, pulling inward and scooping upward during the contraction.
All these exercises are best learned by making them quite muscular at first. In time with practice they will become effortless as you find your own style.
Too much of your actions are done for some external reward. Too often that reward you want is sex. (directly or indirectly – think looks, money, status. Or how you organise your tinder dates. or you spending time on tinder altogether! girls might enjoy it as an activity, you definitely don’t, or at least shouldn’t. going up to a girl and telling her she’s pretty? that could be enjoyable on its own; a shared smile just charges me right up)
Even in this video, I use sex to to tease you along (though am trying to use that attention for good).
Regardless of outcome, you’ll be content, patient, and have this aura of plenty that cannot be disturbed.
But only as long as you find what really interests you from the bottom of your heart.
And only while you never content yourself with average achievements, always aim at perfection.
When absorbed in work like this you no longer have to worry about diverting your thoughts, because all of you is completely invested.
I am still sometimes guilty of not following this advice, and can notice myself off-balance then. That I get upset because things aren’t happening as I expected them to. I was attached to an outcome.
So I will practice this step with you. You can share your tips, and I will share if I find some practical solution of achieving this consistently.
We are done with the practical steps. If you want help with custom implementation of the concepts I cover in my videos, fill out the form below. Be a Good Gardener and all that.
I will stay here and contemplate becoming a mystic, a shaman, for a bit.
“I am consciousness, and you are mine, my bright bitch.”
I want to be Shiva, life embracing, Aghori – beyond fear. Accepting life whole, not just the ordinarily “beautiful” bits.
If I’ve so decided, then I take her all. A monster to others, but I will embrace. Be present, be open, and tease her apart.
“I am light. Take me … if you dare!” (feminine)
Achieve this by being both inside the room and outside it at the same time. What does this mean?
This phrase comes from David Deida’s book “Mykonos”. Inside the room is this life, with its bodies and urges and problems and adventures. Outside the room is the infinite consciousness within which everything is held, where nothing that happens can actually taint or disturb the peace there, not hunger or pain or even death.
My advice to you, my friend, is to dance with the ladies, love them completely, but never forget that you are also outside the room, right now. That’s what women want from you, anyway. They want to feel you inside the room, totally with them, and yet absolutely free and unafraid of life. They want to feel you freely awakened outside the room, even while you are pressing your flesh-body against theirs.
When writing this video I stumbled upon a different book, which describes a similar phenomenon (“Sexual Energy and Yoga”, by Elisabeth Haich).
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The first and lowest tarot card represents the human beings who are still “dead”, unconscious in spirit and who lead a purely physical existence.
Inside the room.
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The last, highest tarot card, the great Self, sexless because it unites the two poles in its consciousness, makes the physical being dance on its hand, as an agent of manifestation, in accordance with his role in the earthly world.
Outside the room, while still having the bodily counterpart dance with the ladies inside the room.
Have fun. Play the childlike games with the ever changing rules. Know when to follow them, when to introduce new ones, when to break some.
Navigate her with skill, until she begs for it.
I don’t agree with hoe_math when he says to not waste time on women who can’t communicate clear and direct interest in sex, because it is never worth the risk of SA.
The games are the whole point.
If you want direct transactional sex go to the red light district.
If you want the magic of polar interaction between sexes, play the games.
Every moment is either a test or a celebration. Always continue in being open. That is a test of your navigation, whether you can be trusted.
feel into her deeply, communicating your fully present love through gaze, touch, and words first, communing with her heart in sweet merger until she begs for sexual contact.
That is it for me today, thank you for joining me.
Be a GOOD GARDENER.
Check the link below for my FREE Good Gardener guide, for a structured implementation of the ideas I cover in my videos. You can also register your interest in working with me 1 on 1, as I tutor you through custom implementation.
Peace.
You are welcome to comment and discuss at the YouTube video.